1. |
Blinding Positivity
01:15
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there’s something so strange and beautiful
in how messy hair frames the face
like the irreplaceable quirks
in the annoyances of everyday
or an overwhelming smile
produced by the toxically estranged
or how fears release endorphins
in a cathartic sort of way
maybe it’s just
complacency in my mind
Blinding Positivity says,
“Everything is fine.”
I guess I’ll learn to laugh
among mice and men
to find comfort
in my ruined plans
to rest my head
on a cold shoulder
knowing nothing is perfect
I should just learn to love it
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2. |
Felling
02:57
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|
I just stopped asking why
decided that my
demons had a purpose
lessons I will learn in time
as long as I
am ready to be haunted
now, my subconscious
is incredibly outspoken
pushing out fears
from the bellies of the broken
and while I always tremble to forget
I promise to stay still
when you come to take me
I plant stability
in hopes that it will grow
the roots should trickle downward
from my head into my throat
but if I lose pride in my speech
making my rhetoric obsolete
stripping stability of its leaves
tear the tree down
tear the tree down
when no one is around
well, I begin to think this all means nothing
when no one is around
I let the trepidation age me
I get tied down in
the pain within my chest
that blooms into a tomb for me
end of August memories
I put my guard down
leaving me susceptible to
a bluer disposition
now I fear interaction
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3. |
Tired Hearts
01:55
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|
blood boils in tired hearts
and every bit of tolerance expires
through shouted words
the coldest atmosphere on a summer day
“It’s in your blood,” she said
like we were fucking cursed
like we were always destined
to push away the ones we love
the matchmaker laughs
and he haunts me like a glutton
and eats away everything
I could have possibly believed in
well, you can patch up this house
but I know what went wrong
part of growing up
is watching the knot
of binding love
fall apart, self-destruct
in the hands that brought you up
and now every set of eyes
that sets my heart on fire
burning down the worn out infrastructure
assailing me with nervousness
is just a cautionary tale
I’ll resent myself for telling over again
but I hope to God that one day I will listen
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4. |
||||
|
believe me, I
would make a home here if I could
between the lines and metaphors
when you feel so misunderstood
searching for answers
seeking familiarity
interpretations of what the author means
I hope one day the flowers in your brain
get all the attention they need
and I hope the contents of your marble notebook
get published for everyone to read
cause I don’t mind spending my time here
and I won’t waste away
the wonders of your beautiful mind
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5. |
Bye Now
02:10
|
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|
build my bones
I need the strength to be patient
frustration grows
along with the strands of my hair
so run your hands through
but please don’t feel you
have to get tangled in the mess I am
I’m starting over
I’ll take a new face
come take it all away
just take it all
heartache, my old friend, don’t visit me
what have you returned for?
you’ve made a home inside my mind
now I’m more inclined to burn this house down
you always come then go away
I’ll patch up the holes you left in my brain
I’d hope my memory erased you by now
bye now
my father’s shoes
my footsteps
I’m losing my place yet again
I’ll pace the room
regardless
I can’t escape nervous habits
I’m losing my mind
I’m walking back and forth
I’m losing everything
or so it seems
I made up my mind
want you to want me
want it to stay that way
need you to stay
heartache, my old friend, don’t visit me
what have you returned for?
you’ve made a home inside my mind
now I’m more inclined to burn this house down
you always come then go away
I’ll patch up the holes you left in my brain
I’d hope my memory erased you by now
bye now
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6. |
Water
03:31
|
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|
what is there to mend
when what is broken always falls apart?
blow a hole into my head
to see just what my thoughts are
and the sun, well
it hides its face in shame
as the moon shines down
upon all my mistakes
lay awake for days
I watched the ceiling change
now this
place is not a home
but could I ever be what you had in mind?
should I find a new lifestyle
that keeps you pleased for a while?
I’ll be in the back of your head
with fingers crossed, but tired hands
and if I come to
I won’t deny
that I was wrong to insist I was right sometimes
but you will find fault in me
just like you always do
the fault is always mine
and now I am
stuck in ambivalence between
being alive and being safe
and I am growing my hair out just to
cut it short again
convincing myself
I’m a new fucking person
what did you have in mind?
should I find a new lifestyle
that keeps you pleased for a while?
I’ll be in the back of your head
with fingers crossed, but tired hands
and if I come to
I won’t deny
that I was wrong to insist I was right sometimes
but you will find fault in me
just like you always do
the fault is always mine
there’s water under an unstable bridge
one strong enough to stand on its own
weak enough to break if you cross
I’ll call it what it really is
an accident waiting to happen
I’m sorry I can’t carry this weight
but you’re not the same
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